


What is given

by Amanita_Cynth



Series: AroWriMo 2021 [2]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Adopted Children, Gen, Human Experimentation, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Non-Graphic Violence, Recovery, Vomiting, arowrimo, its brief but its there, this was written for arowrimo but while the characters are aro its not really the focus
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-12
Updated: 2021-02-12
Packaged: 2021-03-12 01:13:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,645
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29376915
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amanita_Cynth/pseuds/Amanita_Cynth
Summary: The little girl that had been dropped on her doorstep wasn’t speaking at all. Sienna really shouldn’t have been surprised by this, considering the strangely intense and very bundled up people who had approached her about it all, and the odd story they’d told her that she still wasn’t sure she believed.“Do you know who I am?” Sienna eventually asked. The girl’s attention snapped back to her and she nodded silently. Damn. Still no dice, but she persisted. “And who are you?”The girl paused before speaking carefully.“47F, Lioness.”
Series: AroWriMo 2021 [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2145459
Kudos: 1





	1. A name

**Author's Note:**

> For the prompts 'freedom and music' for arowrimo 2021. As it happened I already had a character whose story fit those themes quite nicely so I decided to write a story about those early months of her new life. I shied away from going into some of the darker details.

The little girl that had been dropped on her doorstep wasn’t speaking at all. Sienna really shouldn’t have been surprised by this, considering the strangely intense and very bundled up people who had approached her about it all, and the odd story they’d told her that she still wasn’t sure she believed. 

Either way, this girl had been introduced as Lioness by the oddly swaddled woman, who had then turned and hurried away without another word or turning back. The girl, brown hair curling against her bronze cheeks, watched the stranger until they were out of sight and then turned her weirdly yellow eyes onto Sienna, who had to fight to not shiver. Children shouldn’t have gazes that blank and focused. They shouldn’t be standing so still and stiff in plain white clothes. They shouldn’t be so quiet. 

So Sienna had gestured her inside and gotten her to sit down and, in lieu of anything else, had put some cookies on the table. The girl- she refused to think of her as something like Lioness when she was so obviously small and young- had stared at them like she’d never see anything like them before and hadn’t made a move to eat them or start any conversation. Just scanned the living room with a distant spark of curiosity, seemingly waiting for something. 

“Do you know who I am?” Sienna eventually asked. The girl’s attention snapped back to her and she nodded silently. Damn. Still no dice, but she persisted. “And who are you?” 

The girl paused before speaking carefully. 

“47F, Lioness.” 

It was like the floor had dropped out from under her and she was in freefall. She’d been told, and had believed them enough, but it was entirely different being faced with the reality. 

“Okay, but that isn’t a name.” She replied as gently as she could manage after swallowing heavily past her nausea. The girl continued to stare, seemingly uncomprehending of the problem. “Did you have anything else that people called you?” 

She just shook her head, frowning. 

Well, that made the first step easy at least. 

“Okay, then let’s get that sorted.” Sienna decided, standing up and heading for the office where her desktop was only to reason that the girl wasn’t following. “Well, come on.” She urged, at which point she obediently jumped to her feet and trailed Sienna to the desktop which she eyed with the same sort of distant curiosity she’d given to the rest of the house so far. 

Baby name sites were a dime a dozen even in the early 2000s and, well, Sienna was proud of her heritage. So Italian names it was, even if the girl looked a bit more on the Latino side of things. 

“Just stop me if you hear one you like, okay?” She said, and started to read from the list of recommended names on the first site she clicked on. The girl stayed silent and she obediently started reading through another list, skipping duplicates when she remembered. 

She was beginning to worry that the girl would never pick one when- 

“Lenora.” She repeated after Sienna said it. 

“Lenora?” She asked, turning to look at her. “You want to be called Lenora?”

“Lenora.” She said again, hands twitching in front of her and an odd expression on her face. It was the brightest Sienna had seen her eyes so far. “Yes.” 

“Okay then Lenora.” She smiled as she slowly stood up again, the newly named girl quickly stepping back out of the way. “I’ll show you around, shall I?”

Lenora, very slowly and hesitantly, gave a closed-lipped smile back as she nodded confirmation. Maybe Sienna could do this after all. 


	2. A space

Sienna totally couldn’t do this. Lenora had reverted back to silence the moment she could, taking in every bit of information she was told about the house with a silent intensity that was making her ramble more and more. The only initiative she’d shown was peering at the locks on doors and windows and seeming to measure up the distances and angles to them from different parts of the room. Judging by her expressions she wasn’t very impressed with whatever she was seeing. 

She also kept glancing around, like there was something she was expecting to see but hadn’t found yet. 

“What are you looking for?” She eventually asked, and immediately felt guilty when Lenora jumped a bit. 

“Ah.” She said, and then of all things to do blushed a little bit. “Social norms of Outside would suggest that you had a male partner, so I wondered...?” 

Sienna sent a silent prayer up to the heavens, both at the obvious capital letter she’d heard clang into place there and the subject matter. 

“Well, social norms can be ignored. I’ve never really been interested enough in such things.” She said as calmly as she could, because already she could tell that Lenora wouldn’t respond well to any sign of frustration and she wasn’t exactly sure what that would look like from her. The warned-of ‘disciplinary problems’ could look like anything in this sort of situation. “Besides, social norms doesn’t at all mean that that’s what everyone is going to want or need.” 

“Sensible.” Lenora declared after a moment of thought. 

“Glad you think so.” Sienna replied, lips twitching with amusement. “Do you want to see your room or what?” 

“My...room?” Lenora blinked. 

“Yeah, your room. I tidied it up a bit when I knew you’d be staying here.” 

“Just for me?” She seemed to be having trouble with that particular concept. 

“Yes.” Sienna confirmed. “Just for you.” 

As she spoke she opened the door to the slightly revamped spare room, now cleaned out of all the junk she usually kept in there and with newly brought sheets on the single bed. 

“We’ll have to pick some new clothes up for you.” She continued to ramble. “And there’s a lock on the door, I mean, I have an emergency key but I wouldn’t use it beyond, ah, _emergencies_ -” 

She was cut off by Lenora making a quiet, broken sound. 

“Oh no, oh no!” She flailed as Lenora backpedaled until her back was to the wall and then slid to the floor, jaw locked and eyes spilling over with tears. Sienna took a step towards her but recoiled again when she made another strangled sound. Slowly, she knelt down so she wasn’t towering over her in any way and tried to keep her voice quiet as she went, “What’s wrong?”

Lenora simply let out what could only be described as a quiet wail and curled up, arms pressing against her ears. 

Okay, Sienna _definitely_ couldn’t do this. It seemed like something she’d done had sent Lenora into a full-blown panic attack but she didn’t know _what_. There weren’t exactly guides out there for dealing with abused children! And even if they were, she wasn’t sure they could prepare her for the magnitude of what this child, in particular, had gone through...

So, she just had to think about it. New environment for Lenora. Very different from what she was used to. Maybe it was too different? Now that she thought about it again, she’d certainly shown little initiative to act without Sienna having to cajole her along, so maybe it was all the apparent freedom that was causing her to freak out?

Well, shit. She’d probably have to delay the shopping trip for a bit and let Lenora rely on the few outfits she’d frantically brought. And structure. She could do structure, at least until Lenora didn’t need it anymore. 

Right?

Right. 

Keeping an eye on Lenora the entire time, she shuffled slowly back and grabbed the notepad and pen off the bedside table, thankful that she’d left it there. Biting at the end of it she considered what she could put down every day. They’d said that they would hopefully get papers to her soon so Lenora could be signed up for school, but considering how she was doing with the changes it would be best to wait until at least the new school year, months away... 

8 am was a good time to wake up, yes? And then some time between that and breakfast. Hmm. The day would have to be filled with easy activities that she could mostly do by herself and thank _god_ Sienna worked from home and wouldn’t have to leave her alone. Scheduled lunch and dinner, things they could do together in the evening, bedtime, and the most important note of all: if you have any questions, come ask immediately. 

She stared at the ink-covered page for a long minute before tearing it off the pad and then slowly making her way back over to Lenora.

“Here.” She said, holding the paper up in front of her. For a long moment she didn’t move, then she achingly lifted her head up and stared at the paper in front of her. There was another long pause before she slowly unfurled and reached out for it, most of the signs of tension starting to ease out of her as her eyes ran over the list over and over again. 

Looked like Sienna had finally managed to do something right. 


	3. Food

With all of the chaos they’d already gone through Sienna wasn’t exactly looking forward to the looming problem of dinner. But it wasn’t like she could just ignore it, so she carefully urged Lenora into the bathroom, showed her how the shower worked, and told her to wash until she felt clean. Then, leaving the door open a crack, she went back to the kitchen to survey her options. 

Something mild for sure, but filling and balanced... She had some broccoli in the fridge, didn’t she? Yes, she could make chicken and broccoli pasta. 

Lenora had reappeared before she’d even finished chopping the ingredients, silently shaken her head when asked if she needed anything, and then watched with rapt attention. Sienna tried not to let the attention get to her and only fumbled a couple of times while making her way through the simple recipe.

Finally she set down the dish and a glass of water, handing over a set of cutlery that was cautiously taken. From the corner of her eye she watched as Lenora peered at the steaming dish with swiftly hidden fascination.

It was a moderate success. The first tentative bite had quickly given way to it being eaten at an exorbitant rate. So fast, in fact, that Lenora had ended up throwing most of it back up. 

Okay, so smaller meals and rules about eating slower- oh, but she didn’t know when the last time she’d eaten was, or what it had been. Maybe she’d just been hungry, or maybe her stomach couldn’t handle anything more than liquids right now. She just didn’t know. 

She was getting real tired of not knowing. 

“...s’ry.” 

She blinked as the mutter from the kneeling Lenora brought her out of her spiraling thoughts. 

“What?”

“I’m sorry.” She repeated louder. “For the waste.”

Another thing that was clear was that Sienna was going to have to get used to having her heart broken. 

“No problem.” She said as easily as she could manage. “My mistake. At least you made it to the toilet. Let’s try again with something easier.” She was sure she had some cream of chicken soup frozen down somewhere. 

Unsurprisingly Lenora eyed this meal with much more suspicion than interest, especially when Sienna demonstrated how to dip the bread in only for some of it to break off and fall into the bowl. But she’d been told to eat it, so she obliged. Slower than before, too, and she seemed to start to relax and enjoy it as the minutes passed without incident. 

Mild flavors seemed to be the way to go for a while then. Hmm, she should stock up on crackers and soup. And apples. And look up some English recipes; nobody made food as bland as the English. She was already coming up with meal plans, determined to have something different every day and increase the amount of flavor. She was going to figure out Lenora’s favorites if it was the last thing she did. 

Once Lenora had finished and was looking at her expectantly she showed her where to put her dirty dishes in the sink and then gave her the last apple she had. It was a bit soft from age but that was probably better for _oh dear god never mind_. Lenora, as it turned out from the huge bite that had effortlessly been taken out of the apple, had not only sharp teeth that you’d have to be looking for to notice but clearly a jaw strength that you’d be hard-pressed to miss after seeing her eat an apple. After decimating most of it in three bites she took to nibbling at the rest of it, not seeming to notice that Sienna’s instruction to not eat the seeds or ends was delivered in a weak tone of voice. 

Once again, knowing you were going to be dealing with an escaped subject of human experimentation and seeing the actual effects of that were two _very different_ things.

* * *

Thankfully Lenora slept through the night without any issues and seemed to be something approaching cheerful as she diligently went about the schedule Sienna had given her. Unseasoned porridge seemed a safe bet for breakfast and Lenora ate it without complaints and without throwing any of it back up. Then again, Sienna wasn’t sure she even would complain if there were something she didn’t like. She made a mental note to tell her such statements were fine after a few days had passed and she seemed more stable. 

After breakfast she gave Lenora an inoffensive book to read and went out to do some quick grocery shopping for her picky new customer. All in all, it was a bit of a surprise to come back and see her entirely engrossed in the story, but also a relief that she could get invested in something new like that. 

Also a relief that nothing disastrous had happened in the half hour she was out. 

Days passed. Lenora got more and more immersed in the culture of the modern world, tearing her way through books, films, and shows nearly as quickly as Sienna could provide them. Thank god for the local library, that was all she was going to say on that matter. Sienna also started to slowly add more flavor into her meals, adding sugar and then honey and fruit to her morning porridges, shifting to stronger sauces with pasta and meals like simple burgers and fries, starting to give her mild desserts instead of apples and bananas.

After more than a week had passed Sienna made a point of sitting her down and letting her know that if there were things she didn’t like she should say and Sienna would handle it. She agreed, mostly to placate her if Sienna was any judge, but after another week had passed tentatively said over dinner that she didn’t like green peppers that much. 

When no rebuke came and, in fact, the offending peppers stopped appearing on her plate while remaining on Sienna’s, she started to grow bolder. Sienna kept careful note of everything that she expressed like or dislike for, starting to fill up an entire notebook with such information. 

Although, being fed nothing but essentially military rations for her entire life meant that neither of them had realized that she had an allergy to shellfish. That had certainly been interesting to discover, especially since Lenora didn’t even legally exist and shouldn’t have had insurance only for them to arrive at the hospital and find out that they apparently _both_ had comprehensive, private health insurance. Lenora, when she could speak again, had just nodded and said ‘Penny’ like that was an answer. 

Sienna had gotten a message from a private number saying to avoid taking her to the doctors again except for serious emergencies, due to her inhuman physiology. She tried very hard to not be alarmed about that and mostly succeeded. 

After the paella incident but assured by the doctors that she had no other common allergies, Sienna started to branch out into spicy foods as she slowly ran out of ideas for new meals to offer Lenora. There was a limit to how many styles of food she could cook, so Lenora got treated to more and more takeaways and restaurant meals as the weeks wore on. 

That was when it happened. Lenora took a bite out of her Pad Thai- shelling out for the advanced allergen testing had gotten them assurances that shrimps were the main problem and things like fish sauce should be fine- and then stopped and stared down at it. 

“Everything okay?” She prompted when Lenora continued to stare without speaking. 

“This.” Lenora said. “This is great.” 

Sienna blinked. 

“It is?” Was all she managed to say. 

“Yeah.” Lenora said, and abruptly began shoveling more into her mouth. Sienna was reminded of that first night, but at least she wasn’t choking on the noodles and probably wouldn’t throw up, though she could have done without the speaking through a mouthful of food. She was sure they’d had multiple conversations about that. “This is the best!” 

Well then. Sienna caught the eye of one of the smiling waitresses that had clearly heard that and offered a sheepish smile back. She made sure to leave a big tip and listened intently to Lenora’s excited ramblings the entire way home.

That night, as Lenora slept, Sienna brought three different Thai cookbooks. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm allowed to rag on english food because I'm british and boy does it often suck


	4. Clothes

The clothing situation had been becoming a problem long before the well-received trip to the Thai restaurant, or trips to any restaurants for that matter. Even with Lenora borrowing some of Sienna’s comfier, older t-shirts they were having to do her laundry more than once a week since Sienna refused to let her re-wear tops before they were washed. Lenora openly considered this stupid and Sienna tried desperately not to think about what her hygiene standards would have been without her putting her foot down over things like this. 

On the other hand, Sienna didn’t feel that taking her to a mall straight away would be the best idea, considering how packed and noisy they were. She wasn’t sure how Lenora would respond to that.

“We’re going to go for a walk.” She decided. “There’s a park nearby. Is that going to be okay for you?”

“I’ve been Outside before.” Lenora said, almost proudly. “On missions.” 

“Ah.” Sienna said. Alarmingly, she was getting used enough to the constant nausea-inducing things Lenora said or did to not let it outwardly affect her. “But you’ve never been Outside as _part_ of Outside, right? Just experiencing it instead of trying to do something?” 

Lenora deliberated on that for a moment before going,

“No.”

“Well, it’ll be different then!” Sienna said brightly. It was partially fake, but hopefully Lenora wouldn’t realize that. “When we’re out in public, at least for now, you keep a hold of my hand and don’t let go, okay?” She instructed. 

At least, unlike most children, Lenora simply nodded obediently and gripped tightly at her hand- and _wow_ that was some mildly alarming grip strength- instead of protesting about being too old for such things. 

“And you don’t have to talk to anyone or interact with anyone if you don’t want to, okay? Just say no and I’ll make sure they leave you alone.” She added. 

That, amusingly enough, got more of a typical childish reaction in the form of a sudden scowl and sullen mumble of, 

“I can look out for myself.” 

Sienna couldn’t help herself. She burst into a brief cackle of laughter, squeezing back at Lenora’s hand and ignoring her briefly startled and then awed look at her reaction. 

“Yeah, I know you can _cucciola_.” She assured her. “But I’d rather you not claw some pushy grandmother or something, you know. The usual rules of keeping your... _skills_ hidden Outside still remain, remember?” 

“Okay.” She sighed, nose wrinkled up a little. “I’m not a dog.” 

Sienna blinked, thrown for a moment, then remembered the endearment she’d used. Crap, could Lenora speak Italian? She’d shown no inclination, but then again Sienna herself had been sticking to English. 

“Ah, it can also be used to refer to cubs and baby animals in general. Like a certain lion cub.” She added, daring to lean down to gently flick at Lenora’s nose. A gamble that paid off well, considering the startled giggle that Lenora let out, even if it was quickly stifled again. “By the way, you can speak Italian?” She asked as casually as she could. 

“Yes.” Lenora nodded, blushing slightly from her previous giggle. Sienna let it go uncommented on. 

“Anything else you can speak?”

“Spanish. _Two_ kinds. And French, kinda.” 

“Wow.” Sienna said, and meant it. She was honestly lucky she still remembered as much Italian as she did. “We’ll have to talk in Italian more, then. That’s very impressive, Lenora.” 

“Nah.” She waved it off. “Everyone could speak lots!” 

“That’s not really the norm out here.” Sienna informed her gently, and her eyes widened slightly. “You’re very impressive by our standards, see?” 

“Wow.” It was Lenora’s turn to say, and then, “Are we going?” 

Sienna bit down on another burst of laughter. 

“Yes, yes, we’re going.” She grinned, and tugged her out of the door. 

As it turned out the trial run was a good idea because Lenora had ended up nearly biting off the hand of a grabby old woman that Sienna hadn’t been able to stop. Only jerking Lenora back where they were still holding hands and saying something loudly had avoided the teeth clamping shut on flesh or the woman noticing anything too amiss. 

After hashing out an extensively detailed list of when violence was appropriate and a couple more trips to lighter populated areas Sienna took her to a restaurant in the early evening. And when that also passed without disaster she announced that they were going to buy new clothes if it was the last thing they did. 

Lenora said that would be a stupid last mission but didn’t argue about needing to scope the place out beforehand so Sienna took it as a victory. 

Of course she still didn’t want to risk Lenora in a mall so they went to a department store instead. She looked around with her usual curiosity and, indeed, her usual clocking of sightlines and exits, but stayed silent and stuck to Sienna’s side like glue as they dodged the other shoppers. 

“Pick whatever you want.” Sienna said when they got to the children’s section and had found around the right age. 

Lenora immediately let go of her hand and began stalking through the aisles. As expected she paid little attention to the difference between the boys and girls sections, but unfortunately also as expected she started picking out sensible, plain clothes like she’d appeared in. Loose tee-shirts and sweatpants, mostly. 

“You know,” Sienna started, “Not to tell you what you have to wear or anything, but you can try new things too.” 

Lenora blinked, looking from the white tee in her hand to Sienna. 

“But these work.” 

“If you want them because they’re comfy that’s fine.” She assured, holding her hands up. “But you don’t have to focus on utility anymore, you know that. What you wear can be a good way to show off aspects of your personality. Not every item has to be to fulfill some specific purpose.” 

She stared at Sienna for a long moment then made a thoughtful sound in the back of her throat and slowly put the tee down again. Glancing around she started to hesitantly leave what Sienna was 90% certain was the PE kit section and more into the boy’s clothing. 

Well, not much of a surprise there. Their clothes did seem to be less restricting, and Sienna honestly couldn’t imagine Lenora in something like skinny jeans. Her attention seemed to be locked onto a cheap button-up made of red flannel.

“What’s this?” 

“Flannel.” 

“And this?” Lenora asked, darting across the aisle to some thick jeans. Since she’d been given permission- and it always made Sienna bitter to the stomach to think of it that way- to relax she was letting some of her excited energy leak out, bouncing on her feet whenever she stopped in place.

“Denim.” 

“I like the feel of them.” She said, looking fascinated as she continued to rub at the edges between thumb and forefinger. “They’re rough. You can really _feel_ them.” 

“Well.” Sienna smiled, following her leisurely. “Grab some and try them on.” 

Lenora looked at her, then quickly checked the label and grabbed one of the jeans. Sienna, having rather more experience with clothes shopping, grabbed a size up and down as well. 

In the end they spent most of the day there and filled up nearly six bags with clothes, shoes, and accessories, since Lenora was a very fast changer but it still took a while to try on so many things. Sienna didn’t really understand it- when picking for fun and not function she’d gone for heavy and rough clothes- but she didn’t have to understand it. It wasn’t her clothing. 

Lenora, though, had obviously picked up on her confusion. 

“I don’t feel things much.” She stated over dinner, apropos of nothing. 

“What?” Sienna blinked.

“I don’t feel things much.” Lenora repeated. “The scientists said it was because of a ‘Latent Overflow’.” She enunciated the words carefully. “So it’ll take more to hurt me than it would take other people, even when I’m not using my barriers. But it also means I don’t feel things much, and I can feel those clothes. Also, I think I like bright colors.” She added. 

Sienna fought to keep her arm from shaking where it was keeping her upright against the dinner table. Even something like this ruined by what had happened in that place. But she couldn’t let herself show her distress too much, so she sat fully upright again and just smiled. 

“Glad to help.” 

“I.” Lenora hesitated, then set her jaw and continued. “I like having things that are mine. Just for the sake of having them.” 

“Even gladder to help.” Sienna said, and picked her fork back up. “Finish your dinner before it gets cold.”


	5. Music & Freedom

It had been harmless, really. She wanted to know more about music because what she had heard was nothing like the occasional, communal things called music that had happened in the training room. And every time she asked Sienna about something it was answered with enough useful information and resources that it made it worth the anxiety of actually asking. 

This time was no different. She pulled That Face when Lenora mentioned the songs in the training room and after a few minutes had given her something called an iPod and a notebook for writing down the songs that she liked. Sienna promised that once she’d found some she liked she’d help her find more like that and get her an iPod of her own. 

So she spent the day in her room, earplugs in and constantly shifting between lying on her bed and sitting up cross-legged. She still hadn’t got the hang of sprawling across the mattress like she’d seen on some films- it made her feel too exposed and vulnerable. 

But because the music was so loud and she was sitting with her back to the door and looking out of the window, she didn’t have a warning before a hand dropped on her shoulder and she reacted the way she always did to an unexpected touch. 

* * *

The chair was hard and uncomfortable, the lights were harsh against her eyes and buzzed painfully in her ears, and the strong smell of fake lemons and caustic antiseptic were making her nose burn. Her face itched from the tears that had dried on her cheeks. But she didn’t budge an inch from where she was curled up on the plastic chair. 

What did such trivial pain matter, really? Sienna was hurting a lot more right now and it was all her fault. 

It had been so stupid. So stupid to think she could just leave it all behind. So stupid to think she could do anything other than hurt people. 

Something loudly buzzed and she shifted slightly at the lance of pain that went through her head and glanced down at her hands. They were clean and trembled sporadically. In a way it would be better if she’d done something to get blood on her because at least she could clear it off to make herself feel better, to try and wipe away the evidence of what she’d done. All she was left with was the feeling of bones snapping under her fingers and the sight, but not the sound, of Sienna screaming. 

With a harsh sigh she stood up with a brief glance at the door that Sienna was behind before making her way towards the nearby bathroom. Luckily it was empty for now, letting her jump easily up onto the sink counter and sit down, turning the tap on and splashing the water across her face. The shock of the chill of it helped a little to get her breathing back under control. After another long moment, she scrubbed at her face and hands and then turned it off and jumped down again. There was nothing to clean off, after all. 

Why had she expected it to make her feel better? 

Nothing else to do but sullenly dry herself off and go back to the waiting room. A few other people in there, adults, watched her in some concern as she re-entered but she avoided their eyes and folded herself back up in her chair. 

It was maybe cruel, but she knew that Sienna had a hard time denying her anything that wasn’t dangerous in some way. When the doctor had come to collect them she’d kicked up a fuss about not going with her, dropped a couple of comments about white coats, and Sienna had let her stay out there. It wasn’t necessarily all lies- even out in the public area, the occasional appearance of the doctors in their clean clothes and the sterility of the environment reminded her of the institute in ways that made her stomach twist itself into knots. 

Really, though, she didn’t think she could bear to watch Sienna’s pain as she was prodded and poked at. 

Stupid. She’d really been so very stupid. 

And to really hammer it home, she was so focused on the twisting frustration of her mistake that she didn’t realize anyone was next to her until they cleared their throat. 

Her head snapped up to see Sienna watching her, eyebrows furrowed with concern, lips pinched with pain, face pale with nausea. There was the faint scent of local anesthesia floating around her and her wrist was in a blue-striped cast, cradled carefully in her other hand.

“I’m sorry.” Sienna said calmly before Lenora could manage to say anything. “I should have realized you couldn’t hear me and would panic. It wasn’t considerate of what you’d been through, but I’ll be more considerate of it in future. My bad.” 

Lenora stared up at her and felt her eyes start to burn again, but it felt different this time. Not in a way she could put her finger on, but that was...okay. She would have the time to figure it out, like she'd just managed to really understand the concept of kindness. The word and its apparent definition hadn’t made much sense to her before; knowing the word and really _understanding_ what it meant were apparently two very different things. 

“I’m sorry!” She blurted, scrabbling to her feet, vaguely aware of the tears finally spilling over. “Thank you, I’m sorry, I’m _sorry_ -”

“Shush.” Sienna dropped her unbroken hand into her hair and ruffled it softly. “It’s okay. I’m okay. Come on, let’s get out of here.” 

Maybe this was what freedom really meant. Making mistakes and being able to move forward anyway. An endless expanse of opportunity, opening up in front of her. So much to learn, and feel, and see. Someone to care for, who cared for her.

* * *

“How about this?” Sienna asked as they made their way towards the taxi bank, because months of this had taught her well that the sheer expanse of options out there could be overwhelming for her. “When we get home I’ll put some of my favorite music on and we’ll have a little dance party. You can figure out which you like more and we’ll work from there. Sound good?” 

The appearance of tears, only the second time she’d seen them from Lenora ever, had made her panic a bit. She seemed to be calmer again now which was an honest relief. Sienna wasn’t sure if she could manage another panic attack from her in such a public place, let alone with her wrist still throbbing despite the anesthesia. The break had been clean and precise and easy to handle, according to the doctor, but it was sure to be a problem for weeks.

“Yes.” Lenora said, and she fought not to startle when she reached out and grabbed hold of Sienna’s hand in a careful, unsure grip and smiled with her slightly too sharp teeth in a more confident way than Sienna had seen from her yet. “That’ll be good. Thank you.” 

(Years later, when she was watching Lenora hum to herself with homework sprawled over the dining table while in the middle of writing songs for her friends’ band, she’d remember those first few tumultuous months and feel so very, very proud of how far she’d come.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To be honest I have no idea if American hospitals work differently than those in the UK so I tried to keep this vague. Do you have walk-in centres in the US?


End file.
